watchmakersylar: (I don't understand)
I’m suppose to confess to something in this entry, but I don’t exactly keep my thoughts or my actions a secret. Because that’s what a confession is after all. It’s a secret that you don’t want anyone to know except possibly God, which is silly since God knows everything. So no, I don’t feel the need to bare my soul, to strip it any further than I already have. It’s pretty obvious that I’ve cleaned the flesh away to bone on several occasions.

When I began my journey I was concerned with one thing. I wanted to be the most special. I coveted. I lusted. I envied, and fuck yes, I was jealous of all that wasn’t mine. I was about as emotionally mature as a three year old, stamping my feet, demanding what I wanted, and throwing some stellar temper tantrums along the way.

I’d like to think that I’ve evolved past that stage. Power isn’t all there is. Power isn’t all that matters not anymore. If I look at my life and my motivations, I can see so much more. Hindsight is 20/20. It’s a cliché for a reason, because it’s the truth. What I wanted was acceptance. I thought being more, having more, would make me matter to someone. I was wrong.

You can’t get anyone to love you if you aren’t capable of returning the favor. I’ve learned that now.

I’m not afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of being unloved.

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watchmakersylar: (Sylar/Sylar - Kink)
Verse #3 - This one is RP'd on [ profile] masquerademix where I get to play with two of my kinks - Sylar/Sylar and vampires. The Sylar I'm RPing in this verse is from Season 1.

I was dying:
I felt like the Wicked Witch of the Fucking West. Whoever could have believed that little dork Hiro could destroy all my beautiful evil. Except I wasn't trying to be Evil. I was trying to save everyone by stopping Peter. But god forbid anyone figure that out. Oh no! It was much better to stab the only person who could have stopped the Exploding Man. Ask Nathan how much fun he had on that flight to hell.

Then you found me: [ profile] vampire_sylar
I was soaking wet and going into shock. It took everything I had not to let go. I saw the sky burn like the sun through the open manhole, and then when I woke up again, you were leaning over me. You'd shared your blood with me, healing the wound. The rest of the story you told me blew me away. I'm still trying to sort through this fucked up world that I ended up in. But now I'm happy where I am. Happier than I ever thought I could be.
watchmakersylar: (Petlar - PISSED)
Verse #2 - The Wall - this one is RP'd on [ profile] heroesreduxrpg where [ profile] empath_peter and I have just started our Wall RP.

I don't know what happened to everyone. Suddenly the world was silent. The absence of life sent me spiraling further into madness. I was alone for years, wandering across the country looking for someone, anyone to talk to. My powers were gone, except for regeneration, so I couldn't even die to find some peace. Eventually I went home, and I started collecting watches and clocks the way I did powers. If they were ticking, the world wasn't as quiet.

You are such a selfish, spoiled, little pain in the ass, and you always have been. I know! I have fucking Nathan's memories in my head, and I see how you are. I thought Nathan had an ego, but you were the little darling who had all of his attention. Seriously, it's amazing the two of you didn't suck face or worse. It's no wonder Arthur and Angela encouraged Nathan to leave home for school.

Now it's all about Emma. Emma this. Emma that! Emma needs you! You came to get me out of here, my ass. You don't care about me. You only care about being the hero, and once you're done with that. I'll be alone again.

the Gifs were made by [ profile] fallen_iceangel.
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watchmakersylar: (Twins - Anime)
I'm doing this one three times for my primary 'verses.

This one is for [ profile] rp_shadesofgray. If you'd like to read more of Gabe and my story, follow our RP there.

Gabe: [ profile] graylikeme
He helped me find my way out of the darkness. He made me want to be a better person, and he gave me the family I so desperately craved. I try so hard not to push him over the abyss because I don’t want him to be like me. I’ve never had anyone accept and love me the way that he has, and I will do anything for him. I know he’ll do the same for me. He is the other half of my soul.

This is the clocktower penthouse that Gabe and I live in. It’s got an incredible view through the clock faces, and I knew it was the perfect place for us to make our home. Right now we’re in trouble, and I hope to hell that someone realizes that we’re missing because I want to go home. We’re in a really bad place right now, and I’m afraid. They’ve taken our powers, but Gabe and I will find away out of this mess. Then God help the fuckers who took us from our home and kept us apart.

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watchmakersylar: (Smexy)
You’re special:
I don’t really care what you can do. I just want you. I want to take you someplace dark, secluded where we can be alone. I’ll take you to dinner if you want. I can be so fucking charming when I want to be. Then you’ll be putty in my hand, and your skull will pop open like a pudding snack. It’ll be incredible, and I promise that I’ll be so turned on by it.

I love the sight, feel and taste of it. Having a splash of it hit my face when I’m carving someone open always makes me giddy. I want more, and I can’t help but lick it off my lips. The blood doesn’t have to come from murder either. I don’t mind a little rough stuff in bed.

Beyond the physical there is the intellectual. If you want to get my attention and keep it, with less of a chance of you suffering a grizzly death, try to be smart enough to keep up with me. As I said before I don’t like stupid people, so if you can have a meaningful conversation about something other than how pretty you think I am, I might discover that I like you.

Meme List
Notes: I forgot all about this one.
watchmakersylar: (Tantrum)
If you cannot think for yourself, or keep yourself entertained, keep walking. I cannot abide stupid people. If you can’t find your own ass with both hands and a GPS, don’t expect to have your hands on mine. This also applies to smart people who do stupid shit – Mohinder – if you can’t use your brains, don’t knock on my door. If you however have a power that I don’t, take a number, I’ll get back to you.

I do not want to breathe air that smells like you all the time. If you want to spend time with me, that is fine, but call me first. Don’t surprise me. Don’t insist on being friends with my friends either. If you want someone to adore you 24/7, get a dog. I’m more of a cat. You may pet me until I decide that I don’t want it anymore at that time, go away far, far away.

If you fuck with people for the hell of it, don’t come sucking up to me. I was messed with enough when I was a kid. You don’t think that Martin was a good dad, do you? He bullied me all the time. Mom emotionally bullied me too, but I forgive her. She was kind of crazy. But the mean girls and dicks, you can just steer clear, because there’s nothing I like better than kicking the shit out of someone who reminds me of the people who fucked with me growing up. Must be why I like to torture Noah so much.

Angela conned me, and she used me as a weapon. I don’t like being used. Lydia tried to do the same thing to have me get rid of Samuel, and I wish I’d been able to do that one. It was less of a manipulation since she wasn’t pretending to love me to get me to do what she wanted. Angela lied the whole time. Bitch.

Meme List
watchmakersylar: (Innocent)
in no particular order.

Gabe [ profile] graylikeme:
Anytime a question like this pops up, you’re the first person who comes to mind. I would be nothing without you and your love. You make me want to be a better person. I would do anything for you without question. I would be anyone that you wanted me to be, but I know that I don’t have to change for you to love me. I love you. Forever and always. [ profile] rp_shadesofgray

Peter [ profile] empath_peter:
You confound me. You rattle my cage like no other. I don’t know how you still manage to shock me and to make me blush. We went through so much together, survived such odds, and you are still at my side. No matter what happened you stood with me, and we are both so much stronger than anyone would suspect. Love you so much. [ profile] heroesreduxrpg

Sylar [ profile] vampire_sylar:
You saved me from the sewers. You took me home, and you took care of me when I was dying. Even though you’d been torn apart and betrayed, you took the chance on me, and I love you for that. I will always be at your side. No one will ever hurt you again, and I’ve never been safer in my life than I am right now. [ profile] masquerademix

Scully [ profile] 1breath:
I miss you. The trust you had in me even when you knew what I’d been and done means so much to me. I’m glad that you and your family are together at last, but the selfish part of me wishes you were still in my little part of the world. Tell Will to be careful with those powers of his. Know that if you need me, that I will be there. [ profile] rp_shadesofgray

Lydia [ profile] thepainted_lady:
My goddess, I adore you. I know you’ll try to brush this off, because you don’t think you’re worthy of being loved. I think that’s why we understand each other so well, because I feel that way too. But my sweet, you do deserve to be loved, and I want you to be happy. If you need me for anything, you know where to find me. (We need a verse)

Meme List
watchmakersylar: (DIAF - ELLE)
1 – I wish to hell that I hadn’t gone to tell my mother ‘good bye’. If I hadn’t, she’d still be alive, and my life would have turned out so differently. I miss her so much, and it was an accident.

2 – I wish I hadn’t killed Nathan. I did it to punish Angela for dangling the Petrelli family tree in my face and then taking it away from me. I wanted her, and Peter, to know what it was like to be alone. But Peter didn’t deserve the pain I caused him. Angela hasn’t begun to suffer enough.

3 – I wish I hadn’t played with my food where Claire was concerned. Seriously I could have just grabbed her, stabbed her or something, and then took what I wanted. I didn’t need to terrorize her the way I did. It’s not as if Bennet was tied up and forced to watch or anything.

4 – I wish I was smart enough to realize that Elle was playing me before she tricked me into killing Trevor. I mean pretty girls like Elle do not fall for guys like me. I was stupid to believe her.

5 – I wish I’d stood up to my mother when she told me I couldn’t go away to college. I could have been so much more even without my powers if I’d taken that chance and gone off to become an engineer or architect.

6 – I wish I’d killed Maya instead of Alejandro. He was a lot less annoying than she was. I mean I couldn’t speak Spanish, so I could just tune him out. Her I had to listen mile after mile after mile.

Meme List
watchmakersylar: (Noms)
1 – I’m hungry.

2 – I wonder who will piss me off first today.

3 – I’ve already read this book.

4 – Yep, still hungry. I should do something about that.

5 – I should probably wear something that isn’t black.

6 – They’re watching me. I know it.

7 – Are you special? Because, I’m really hungry.

Meme List
watchmakersylar: (Kisses)
1 – You have to be brilliant and understand how my mind works. Extra bonus if you are me or a version of me, but I’m not narcissistic at all. I like the differences between me and me a lot.

2 – Must not freak out if I come home covered in blood up to my elbows.

3 – If you have a power, I don’t already have, that’s a plus in your favor.

4 – You don’t feel the need to be around me 24/7. I don’t want you under foot all the time. You’ll live longer if you have your own place and bed to go home to.

5 – You can think for yourself. If I wanted a sockpuppet for a significant other, I’d just masturbate.

6 – Biting. I bite, and I like being bitten.

7 – No lying. Trust me. I’ll know if you tell even the smallest of fibs.

8 – If I’ve taken you to a romantic beach, lie still while I finish cutting your head open.

Meme List
watchmakersylar: (Gabriel is still there)
1 – Dracula is one of my favorite books. I’ve read it many times, and when I read it when I was a kid, I had to hide it from my mom.

2 – I’m still very religious. Once a Catholic always a Catholic they say. I know I’ve sinned, but I do hope to find redemption.

3 – The only time I ever ditched school was to see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom with my best friend Mike.

4 – I learned how to drive delivering flowers for the florist down the block from my shop.

5 – I had to buy the shop from my father’s partner to get it back in the family. Martin sold it to him after he left my mother. My “uncle” taught me how to be a watchmaker.

6 – I thought Chandra was a messenger from God, and he was going to help me find heaven.

7 – I’ve never had a dog, and I’ve always wanted a cat. Mom didn’t like animals in the house, so we didn’t have any pets.

8 – I lost my virginity when I went to a party and got drunk. It was the first time I got drunk too. I don’t remember her name.

9 – Mom used to set me up on blind dates with daughters of her church friends. It never worked out obviously.

10 – Lydia ruined me for all other women, and she taught me everything I knew about sex. I’ve learned more since then of course.

Meme list
watchmakersylar: (Epiphany)
1. You will always come first for me. I will drop whatever I am doing to be there for you, because I know you would do the same for me. You are my partner. You are my life.

2. I think you need to step away from the green M&Ms. You have the dirtiest mind of anyone I’ve ever met. OK, so that might be because I was kind of sheltered.

3. Why did you have to crawl into my head after you died? Couldn’t you find someone else to haunt? Fuck my life. I’m just trying to find my sanity, and you’re no help.

4. You make that suit look good. If I catch you laughing at me at that strip club, I might have to hurt you.

5. Thank you for letting me have two of my favorite kinks – me and fangs – you’re so much fun to spend time with. And I like sharing the taste of blood with you.

6. I’m having a real hard time being good. I don’t want to let you down, but fighting my own nature isn’t easy. The hunger is winning, and I’m sorry.

7. Why did you have to lie to me? I would have done anything for you. I wanted what you offered more than I wanted power, but you ripped out my heart. Bitch.

8. You are such a kinky little shit. I think I love that about you.

9. I was happy here all by myself. Why did you have to show up?

10. If I have to be near you, I will kill you. I don’t care if there are witnesses. I don’t care if it’s on fucking camera. My fantasy is to strangle you with your own intestines.

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watchmakersylar: (Default)
Sylar - Gabriel Gray

July 2012

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