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I’m living in a musical; only the band keeps forgetting to play. It is so phantom of the opera my situation with Claire. I was her secret friend and supporter, maybe not exactly secret, but certainly kept to the shadows. I was an idiot to think I loved her. She’s a child and as broken as I am.

That’s my love life for you. One wants to be with me twenty-four hours a day telling her she loves me and the other would rather be with the man who changed her diapers. I almost killed out of my anger at Claire, but I didn’t. I was stopped by her doppelganger.

This other Claire, the dark haired version, stayed with me until I woke up from my exhausted sleep. I’m trying not to let the pain destroy me, so instead I’m using it to build walls around me. I’m supposed to be a loner or just alone. Either would cause me less mental trauma. I don’t handle rejection well.

Claire, I should call her Claire-bear like Noah does to keep them separate in my head, called three days later to see how I was. I’d already decided that making her hate me would be best. I don’t want her calling me, or needing me, or wanting to bake me fucking cookies. I want her gone. I want Noah dead.

She was crying – of course – spouting off about not living up to my expectations whatever that means. Couldn’t I just understand and give her my blessing while she let Noah climb between her legs. Claire-bear is helpless you see. She can’t control how she feels about him.

But I would be in control of how she feels about me. I was cruel to her. Said things that would haunt her for years if she gave a shit about how I felt. Ripping into her with each carefully worded sentence.

Then I played my trump card. I told her to tell Noah that he had twenty-four hours to tell his wife that he’s fucking his daughter. It’s going to be so hard to wait that day. I can’t wait to stir the shit into that mix. Claire-bear thinks I’ll call to do it. Don’t be silly, little girl, I’m going to do it in person. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m basking in the glory of my plan to ruin the Bennet clan once and for all, and the other Claire comes back. She’d gone shopping. Apparently my empty refrigerator bothered her. She told me she found a place to live.

I told her not to let the door hit her in the ass on her way out.

We’re alone now. Me, myself and I.
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watchmakersylar: (Default)
Sylar - Gabriel Gray

July 2012

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