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May. 27th, 2009 09:51 am[personal profile] watchmakersylar
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My personal life is at a crossroads. After bringing Claire back to her family, I spent the day with Bennet. That’s the other Claire. I can’t call her Claire. They are so very different. Bennet is steady, strong and smart. She’s everything I wish Claire could be. She thinks that neither one of us wants the other – Bennet and I – she wants her Gabriel, and she thinks I want Claire.

I don’t want Claire. I admit I love her, but it’s a love destined to death and failure. I don’t like failure. I can’t fight for her. Not when I promised not to destroy Noah. I’m caught by my promise. Gabriel still loves her like a sick puppy. He’d be happy for a hand held or a glance, but I’m not. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy. I’m sure as hell not going to share her affections with Noah.

Bennet wants Gabriel, the nerd, the gentle, the timid. She went out of her way to point out I couldn’t keep him locked away forever, and that sooner or later I’d have to let him have control.

That’s the all or nothing again. I like being the public face now that the insanity’s been shoved into his own little corner of our psyche. I don’t understand why she wants him. He’s a coward, afraid of his own shadow. She’d eat him alive. I can give her so much more.

It frustrates me that I can’t be what either of them want. And I’m not sure I want to be. Isn’t the old saying a woman gets involved with a man because she hopes he’ll change and a man gets involved with a woman because he hopes she doesn’t?

I like Bennet. I like her a lot. If she stops poking at me to let Gabriel out, I could see us becoming more than friends with benefits. She’s my equal. She could be my partner. I wouldn’t have to spend all my time trying to fix her and her life. She came back to save Gabriel, but couldn’t she just love me instead?

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Sylar - Gabriel Gray

July 2012

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