Forgive Me Father for I am a God

[watchmakersylar]

Title: Forgive Me Father for I am a God
Author: thewatchmaker
Rating: PG
Genre: Gen
Pairings or Characters: Sylar
Warnings: none really - just the rantings of a mad man
Word Count: 678
Prompt: Bad day for heroes_contest
Summary: Another slice of Sylar's life after Five Years Gone.

My knees sank into the padding on the rail behind the pew in front of me. It was the middle of the week, and the church was mostly empty. Las Vegas wasn’t like New York there weren’t as many old women asking for God’s help here. It was a bit of a surprise for me. In a city as wicked as Vegas, I thought there would be a lot more people looking for salvation. People like me.

With my hands clutched I tried to pray. The smell of the rose and frankincense filled my nostrils with the sweet scent of home. All those years of catholic school and weekly mass with my mother, I thought this was the first place I should go to begin my new life.

No one bothered to talk to me in this modern church. The ceilings were high, and heavy beams of wood glowed in the abundant sunlight. The stained glass windows were modern as well. I should have gone to Saint Joan’s. At least that was a nice old church. Most of the churches in Vegas were less than fifty years old.

I glanced toward the green lights that shone above the confessionals. They reminded me of the occupied sign on an airplane toilet. Gripped the back of the pew, I drew up to my full height. It was time for me to turn one of those green lights red. But with all the sins I’d committed was red enough? And how many Hail Mary’s would I be required to do before I was forgiven for my deeds….

Then another man came in quietly. He glanced around for a moment maybe two. Something about him made me twitchy, but I had no idea what it was. He really was of no concern to me. I'd already looked into his DNA. There was nothing special about him. He was of no use to me nor a danger.

When I couldn't hold it back any longer, I got up my hands gripping the back of the pew to steady myself. My knees hurt from the hours I'd been praying. I made my way to the confessional, pausing only long enough to light a novena for my mother's soul.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned." I could hear the steady beat of his heart through the screen between us. "It has been one year since my last confession." Or was it six years?

"Speak freely my son. God is listening."

"I have committed murder Father."

I could hear his heartbeat falter when I said murder. I could have come around to it slower I suppose. It isn't as if I didn't break all the other commandments and bathe in the seven deadly sins since becoming Sylar. I'd murdered. I'd committed adultery (well Heidi was married). I'd stolen. I'd coveted. I'd envied. And most of all I had wallowed in Pride.

"Yes father," I said to get back on track. "I have murdered people to take their power. You see I'm not quite human anymore. I don't know what I am. But I know I'm above that now."

His heart pounded in his chest. His breath came in short gasps. Then he snapped. "It is a sin to make a false confession."

"False?" My own heart skipped a beat then. "I don't like being called a liar Father. I've come here to ask for forgiveness, and you call me a liar."

With a flick of my fingers, the door to my confessional few open. I would get nothing here. It was a waste of my time. "How could I have considered you a conduit to god? When I am closer to him than you will ever be."

I nearly reached out to crush his heart, but I wasn't alone in the ugly church. There were others there who still could believe. I left much faster than I had arrived. As the doors closed behind me for the last time, I knew that I was untouchable.

I was also unforgivable.

Comments

[ladywilde80.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. I loved this - just wow. You left me kind of speechless but I have nothing but love for this. Awesome job.

[bellonablack.livejournal.com]

False confession? What kind of priest is that? >.>;

I felt kind of sorry. I got the total sense of isolation from this fiction, and I loved it so. <3 It crushed me.

-BB

[sylar.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

[sylar.livejournal.com]

Thanks sweetheart. I always like to keep you guessing.

[eriksselest.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was just amazing. The introspectiveness that you wrote for Sy was utterly beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. I loved how he tried to find even the smallest amount of forgiveness in the Church and rejected it because of the priest and how he would not believe him.

It's so sad that he thinks he's unforgivable. :(

Utterly beautiful fic!

~Sel^.+

[shartyrant.livejournal.com]

Is it sad to say that I can see that happening? Scary that the one person who should be able to get Sylar back on the path of redemption actually does the most harm. Kind of like his mother in a way.

Why is it when I read things like this I just want to cuddle Sylar close and hide him from everyone? He is a killer. Argh!

[sylar.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. He is so very broken. I love that underneath it all he is still sorry for what he's done. Unlike my other serial killing muse - Sylar still has a conscience - Caleb firsts_chosen_1 has no guilt.

:) Jenn

[sylar.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm kind of bad at making the most vile monsters kind of likable. Things would have been so different if just one person believed in him and loved him.

Do you read Caleb's fics too? firsts_chosen_1 He unlike Sylar doesn't have a lovable bone in his body. I am starting to think it might be time for them to meet tho.

:)

[shartyrant.livejournal.com]

Yep. I adore Caleb. The sound of his voice....*sigh* You know evil is afoot, but you just can't resist.

I have a weakness for villains who actually aren't whiney or emo to the point of wondering why anyone is scared of them. Does that make sense? I am the person who roots for Lex or Lionel Luthor on Smallville. I am the one rooting for Sylar on Heroes. I definitely was hoping Caleb would win because I was getting to hate the Buffy character so much and he would be an awesome villian for her to actually die from.

One of the reasons why I like your stories is because you don't take away the bad and make it all fuzzy, warm feelings. They do bad things, they just might have crazy reasons for it which makes more sense. Just make sure that Sylar remembers the evil overlord rules when he finally wins. Same for Caleb.

What? No one else wants the bad guys to win in these stories or shows? Come on! You know you want them to deep down inside after seeing so many of the heroes having it so easy.

[sylar.livejournal.com]

Thank you sweetie. I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my boys and me. Yeah I'm with you. I'm always routing for Lex and Lionel too. Actually I think the only bad guy I haven't been supporting of was Darth Vader. But after seeing what a whiner he was before the iron lung, I can see why.

I do my best not to let them get fuzzy. No puppies and rainbow farting unicorns for my nasty evil boys. LOL God wouldn't it have been great if Caleb had beaten Buffy? Now that would have been a Joss ending.

:)

[shartyrant.livejournal.com]

Just stating the facts. Believe me, if you ever did the fuzzy, warm stuff, I will be ranting away on my comments (that you could ignore or delete at your leisure, but is still fun to vent). This is the main reason why I quit reading the majority of fanfiction online. People taking the characters so far out of their personalities it didn't make sense. Villians that become "Mary Sues/Gary Stus" are traumatizing to me.

I used to like Darth Vader as a kid. 7 year old girl yelling that Vader rules for choking people on the first movie gets strange looks. Of course, I hate authority figures so that might play into it a bit. Then the "prequels" came out and ruined that. Darth Vader used to be cool to kids before the emo came out.

I would've paid to see Caleb beating Buffy. I still don't get how he could've lost considering that she is braindead through half that season. Geez... I always found the villians in the last few seasons more interesting. Guess that is why some got "turned' to the good or at least "anti-heroes". I about died laughing when Willow kicked Buffy's butt. If she could do it, why couldn't Caleb?

Sorry. I really didn't like the last season of Buffy. Sore subject. Hah!

[dana-norram.livejournal.com]

Ohmy! I just come to read this because the title e WOW! I loved. Well done, dear. Your Sylar's voice is amazing. :)

[cellshader.livejournal.com]

ooh! this is a wonderful look at Sylar's character!!

"How could I have considered you a conduit to god? When I am closer to him than you will ever be."
that is such great dialogue, and you got the best of Sylar's cockiness here!!

great work with this! it was a really good read.

[sylar.livejournal.com]

Thank so much. I'm glad you liked it. He's a ton of fun to write for. :)

[sylar.livejournal.com]

Thanks for taking the time to read it and comment. I'm glad you liked it. Sylar is so much fun to write for. He's just so screwed up. Have a great day!

[sylar.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Once again I'd forgotten about this story. I'm glad you liked it.